"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and I'm all out of bubblegum": Best Mano-a-mano Scenes

10. Car Race: Grease 

It's true there are a lot of car chase scenes to choose from, that the jagged spikes that tear up the car Danny's driving look like they were stolen from the set of a Little Rascals movie, and that it's possible neither car broke the speed limit during the chase.  Nonetheless, if I could take one chase scene with me to a desert island, this is the one that I want.

Honorable-mention car scene: 2 Fast 2 Furious

It's probably not the best race scene in the Fast/Furious series but I think it's from the movie with the best name.  That is until 8 Fast and Furious Cylinders is released in 2018.

9. Superhero Fight: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

 

I'm not sure if Scott Pilgrim meets the standard definition of a superhero but I'd take a video game motif over a Spider-Man romcom any day.  I would say the same about Batman, but Christopher Nolan's last two are way too enjoyable to criticize.

Honorable-mention superhero: Kick-Ass

The fight scene at the end is much better but I don't want to ruin the ending.  Another borderline superhero.

8. Musical: Deliverance

Soon after E.T. premiered, Reese's Pieces sales went through the roof.  If I had to guess I'd say that banjo sales skyrocketed and that canoe sales took a hit in 1972 after the release of Deliverance. This is my favorite scene in the movie, due in part to the fact that nobody is oinking during it.

Honorable-mention musical scene: Drumline

For those of you who thought that paradiddles couldn't be cool, I present Nick Cannon.

7. Swordplay: The Princess Bride

Lots of love for Matilda and The Princess Bride on this blog so far.  I have no regrets.

Honorable-mention swordplay scene: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Luke has daddy issues.

Bonus: Just for fun.

6. Bust a Move: Stomp the Yard

If you could figure out the formula for making a "so bad it's good" movie you could make a ton of money, like Rebecca Black amounts, so not really a ton of money but still more than you deserve. Stomp the Yard isn't at the Troll 2 or Plan 9 level but it's definitely a guilty pleasure. I never saw frats like these in college.

Honorable-mention bust a move scene: You Got Served

Definitely so bad, not sure it's good.

Starsky & Hutch (2004)

Ben Stiller doesn't win.

Zoolander

Ben Stiller doesn't turn left.

Bonus: Just for fun.

5. Atypical Competition: 8 Mile

Poetry Slam + Expletives + Insults + DJ + Rowdy Crowd = Rap Battle.

Honorable-mention atypical competition: My Summer Story

Tops + Bullies + Physics + Circle = Kill.

American Psycho

Vice Presidents + The 80s + Difficulties With Conformity = Business Card-Off.

4. Boxing: Rocky IV

There are also a ton of choices for best boxing match but how can any other fight live up to the one that singlehandedly ended the Cold War?

Honorable-mention boxing scene: Raging Bull

In this scene, it's Jake LaMotta vs. Sugar Ray Robinson but in the movie it's Jake LaMotta vs. Jake Lamotta.

The Fighter

The Boston shots from The Departed + The drugs of Requiem for a Dream + The storyline of Every Underdog Sports Flick = A pretty solid movie.

3. Gambling: Rounders

In this scene, being John Malkovich isn't all that fun.

Honorable-mention gambling scene: Poolhall Junkies

This is the only gambling scene I have ever seen where the dialog leading up the competition is more exciting than the actual competition.

The Sting

Great scene from one of the best-written movies of all time.

Casino Royale (2006)

When Pierce Brosnan retired as Bond after Die Another Day, 007 fans worried that his shoes would not be filled.  Daniel Craig put those fears to rest in Casino Royale (2006) with an interesting story, great acting, and in this scene a hand of poker with a p-value of about .0000003. Two years later, Quantum of Solace was released and prompted two questions 1, has a Bond movie ever had this confusing a name (Answer: Yes, Octopussy) and 2, what the heck is going on?

2. Chicken Race: Footloose

Moral of the scene: If your clothes are caught during a game of chicken, you will be a hero.

Honorable-mention chicken race: Rebel Without a Cause

Moral of the story: If your clothes are caught during a game of chicken, you will die.

Gattaca

Moral of the story: If you are okay dying in a game of chicken, you will be a hero.

1. Guns: Tombstone

The pen is mightier than the sword. The shot glass is mightier than the gun. 

Honorable-mention gun scene: Dirty Harry 

If Harry Callahan had fired 6 shots, the end of this movie would be very different.

"Check out the big brain on Brett!": Best Displays of Intelligence

10. Kid Brain: Matilda 

Long before Bradley Cooper took drugs to stop being a disgusting writer and turn into a brilliant playboy in Limitless, Matilda did the trick without performance enhancers.  Instead, Matilda proved in this scene that all you really need to become a child genius is neglect from your parents.

9. Chess Brain: Searching for Bobby Fischer

Joshua Waitzkin, the American chess star whose story is told in Searching for Bobby Fischer, didn't need to be neglected to become a chess genius.  He couples his brilliance with an act of supererogation in this scene at the end of the movie. All he needed was a little pressure from his parents and two rival coaches (played by Ben Kingsley and Laurence Fishburne) whose expert teaching is boiled down in the end of the movie to "don't take out your queen!" (Kingsley) and "take out your queen!" (Fishburne).

Honorable-mention chess brain: The Luzhin Defence

John Turturro plays Luzhin in this Nabokov adaptation.  In this scene (3:00 on) he wins his final chess tournament posthumously, with Emma Watson as Katkov playing the moves he wrote before his death.

8. Sorkin Brain: The Social Network

Matilda goes to college.

Honorable-mention Sorkin brain: A Few Good Men

Lieutenant Kaffee hits fungoes and serves his clients. Short clip of a great scene.

The American President

Don't mess with the ACLU. At 1:45, Martin Sheen thinks to himself "I could make a pretty good president." More a display of guts than intelligence but I didn't want to leave it out.

7. Persuasive Brain: Twelve Angry Men

When you've got as many scenes as My Dinner with Andre you better have some great moments.  Twelve Angry Men delivers. 

6. Speedy Brain: The Princess Bride

Speaking of My Dinner with Andre, Wallace Shawn stars in this scene which would probably be number one on this list if his reasoning didn't fail him in the end.

5. Detective Brain: Clue

I've played the board game "Clue" many times.  It's never this fun.

4. Musical Brain: Amadeus

For those who haven't seen the movie and aren't up on their 18th century composers I'll try an analogy. Salieri: Mozart, Nadal: Federer.  Or, if that's not fair perhaps Salieri: Mozart, Djokovic: Federer, or maybe Murray: Federer.  What I mean to say is that composing during Mozart's time is somewhat like playing tennis while Federer is active.  It's tough.  Just watch the clip.

Honorable-mention musical brain: Vitus

3. Gambling Brain: Rounders

The first but not the last Matt Damon appearance in the top 10.  Start at 1:33.

Honorable-mention gambling brain: Rain Man

Dustin Hoffman doesn't go full retard, Tom Cruise goes Days of Thunder to Vegas and they win big.

2. Debate Brain: Old School

 "That's the way you debate!"

Honorable-mention debate brain: Billy Madison

Less impressive, just as funny. The response. Off screen Bradley Whitford thinks to himself "I could make a pretty good Deputy Chief of Staff."

1. My Brain is Bigger than Your Brain: Good Will Hunting

Don't mess with janitors from Southie.

Honorable-mention my brain is bigger than your brain: Finding Forrester

Don't screw up the farther/further distinction with a quiet literary genius/basketball star.

The Emperor's Club

"Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever."

Go Ahead, Play with Your Food: Best Food Scenes

10. Best Junk Food Scene: Kazaam 

Admittedly, it's a terrible movie, but it did do one thing well.  It captured the dream of millions of 5-13 year old boys whose years revolve around October 31.  It took Shaq, the man they saw on TV dunking and missing free throws, turned him into a genie, and had him "make it rain" long before the downfall of Pacman Jones.

Check out the scene from 6:11 to end


Honorable-mention junk food scenes: Groundhog Day


Bill Murray as Phil Connors realizes that he is reliving the same day over and over.  Phil embraces this by punching out his annoying high school classmate Ned Ryerson and then heading to the diner to take up smoking and eat all the sweets he can find.

Willy Wonka (1971)


"...the snozzberries taste like snozzberries."

 

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

"I've never actually been in a snowball fight...Is there like a point system, or is it to the death?"

9. Best Food-As-Aphrodisiac Scene: When Harry Met Sally

One of the best scenes in one of the greatest romantic comedies of all time, When Harry Met Sally.  Sally, upset with Harry's claim that he knows no woman has ever faked an orgasm with him because he can tell the difference, fakes an orgasm in the middle of Katz's Deli.  This prompts the response from actress Estelle Reiner, "I'll have what she's having."  Estelle, who is listed as "Older Woman Customer" in the credits, is also the mother of the film's director Rob Reiner.

Honorable-mention aphrodisiac scene: Matrix Reloaded

The Frenchman gives a lesson on causality by making (or "writing" in the Matrix) a very tasty piece of cake.

8. Best Food-As-Costume Scene: Mrs. Doubtfire

In 1993 Robin Williams played Daniel Hillard in Mrs. Doubtfire, a movie in which Daniel disguises himself as a housekeeper in order to see his kids after losing custody.  It was undeniably funny but at the time it made some audience-members squirm as Daniel struggled to pull off the deception.  Then, in 1999, Matt Damon played Tom Ripley in The Talented Mr. Ripley and audiences across the world realized how much more uncomfortable a movie can make you feel than did Mrs. Doubtfire.  This particular scene in the movie takes place when Daniel is trying to keep up the ruse with the inspector Mrs. Sellner.

Honorable-mention food-as-costume scene: Godfather


In a trilogy where any time the viewer sees an orange he should brace himself for someone to die, Don Corleone did not pick up on the fruity Godfather pattern.  Instead, he makes fangs out of an orange peel to scare his godson in an endearing scene right before, big surprise, he drops dead from a heart attack.  The story goes that Marlon Brando improvised the orange peel fangs.  The reason the young actor looks so scared in the scene is that, well, he probably was.

7. Best Food Imagination Scene: Hook

We're back with Robin Williams for #7.  This time he's playing a grown up Peter Pan in Hook who needs to remember how to be Peter Pan again to save his children.  In this scene he makes a big step as he remembers how to imagine food and then, apparently, how to imagine a sort of bizarrely colored paste, and then finally remembers how to slice coconuts in half with swords after a colored paste food fight.

Honorable-mention food imagination scene: A Christmas Story

Thanks, in part, to 24-hour marathons courtesy of TNT and TBS A Christmas Story seems to be slowly taking over for previous favorites Miracle on 34th Street and It's a Wonderful Life as America's Christmas movie.  The other part is due to a clever story and some very funny scenes.  In one of the best Randy, Ralphie's little brother, is convinced by his mother to eat his food by telling Randy to "show me how the piggies eat."  The best part of the scene is the father's face of disapproval at his son's display.

6. Best Food for Alternative Means Scene: American Pie

The movie that launched a thousand sequels, had everyone saying, "this one time, at band camp..." and contained the scene that gave the movie its name.

Honorable-mention alternative means scene: Weeds

Though it's not a movie, the second season of Weeds replaces the warm pie with a microwaved banana and, well, you get the picture.  A lot more lighthearted than the Oedipean onanism in Shane Botwin's future (the true Weeds fans will get this).

5. Best Food as Metaphor Scene: Kramer vs. Kramer

Though many movies have used ability to prepare food as a metaphor for general parenting ability, none did it better than Kramer vs. Kramer. In the first scene Dustin Hoffman as Ted Kramer struggles to make French toast for his son Billy the morning after his wife (Meryl Streep as Joanna Kramer) leaves.  In the second cooking scene at the end of the movie, the morning before Billy is about to leave Ted to live with Joanna the two make French toast again but this time they are a well oiled machine.

Honorable-mention food as metaphor scene: Punch-Drunk Love

"Pudding..."

Little Miss Sunshine

"A la mode-y."

4. Best Food to Die For: American Psycho

One of the cleverest opening credits of any horror film is in American Psycho: food preparation that looks like the scene of a crime.  We are sure someone's blood is dripping to start the movie and then we are relieved when we see that it is actually raspberry sauce.  It's the first but not the last time in the movie we are unsure whether or not something horrible is about to happen or for that matter happened.

Honorable-mention food to die for scene: Dexter

For the second time I have included a TV show but it seems wrong to mention American Pyscho's opening credits and not Dexter's.

3. Best Gross Scene: Animal House

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, but it's a great way to go through a movie.  So proved John Belushi as John "Bluto" Blutarsky in Animal House.  He's at his best in this encounter with Delta House rivals in the dining hall.

Honorable-mention gross scene: Dumb and Dumber

In this scene Harry and Lloyd act dumb and well, you get the idea.

Stand by Me

This scene is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach, and takes me to my next category...

2. Best Eating Contest: Cool Hand Luke

In a scene that would make Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut proud Paul Newman, playing the title character Luke, eats 50 eggs in an hour.  The accomplishment wins all the money in the prison, the adoration of his fellow inmates, and leaves Luke with an impressive paunch.

Honorable-mention eating contest: Matilda

"Bruce, Bruce, Bruce!"

Super Troopers

"I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy."

1. Best Actual Playing with Your Food Scene: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Two years after Jaws, Spielberg and Dreyfuss got together again to make Close Encounters of the Third Kind and created the most dramatic playing with your mashed potatoes scene in cinema history as Roy Neary constructs a model of Devil's Tower at the dinner table.